Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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