Define "chronic" masturbator.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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