I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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