shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
