I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
