Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
