I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
