I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
