did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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