i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
