need another drink. this is the easiest way
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
