New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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