Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
