the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
