I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
