Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
