I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
