So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
