like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
