She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
