My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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