I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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