i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
