quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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