I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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