Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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