john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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