Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
