I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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