I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
