no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
