How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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