Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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