420 ftw
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
