Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
