That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
