Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
