I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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