thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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