You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
