were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
