thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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