My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
