Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
