I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
