Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
