plz talk dirty to me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
