Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
