whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
