I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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