Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
