I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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