I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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