Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
