I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
