they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
