That's intense
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
