You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
