tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
