I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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