I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
