Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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