i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
well you can't waste a boner
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
