either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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