i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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