new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
