just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
