Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
