I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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