Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize