If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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