physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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