Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
