It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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