can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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