Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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