I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
