u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have aggressive nipples.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
