whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
