I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
