We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
