i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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