im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
