How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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